Why are homosexuals so GAY What has it done for society as a whole? Maybe more than you think!
There was a long, drawn-out conversation about gay men and why being homosexual seems to almost require conforming to a homosexual stereotype. I replied to it, wishing to propose a possible hypothesis and exploring its impact on society. I never intended it to turn into a big wall of text like this but what I came up with was interesting, at least to me."In other words, why are gay men such fags?
I don't know
Some people are the way they are"
- A prominent openly-gay forumer with a great sense of humor
"i guess but like
it is pretty rare to see:
A. a straight dude who acts like an outrageous queer.
B. a gay dude who doesn't.
i just don't see the connection out there. like i don't see where a dude realizes he is fond of fellows and then goes "oh, i guess it is time to have a lisp and stand in poses with one hand on my hip smirking with my other wrist limp and saying "OH GAWD GIRLFRIEND!"
like how does that happen
or does it happen reverse of that, like a dude grows up not liking football and just wanting to play with barbies and make them wear pretty clothes and has a lisp and listens to madonna all the time and then when he's in junior high realizes he only gets boners for dudes?
why does this happen is what i am wondering"
- A prominent bisexual male forumer for whom the fact that he is attracted to men is no more than a minor footnote in his personality, though it makes for great stories
I've wondered about this for a long time. My conclusion is that if there is anything at all resembling a homosexual agenda it is to make gay people as distinct as possible so that it becomes easily identifiable as a lifestyle instead of a sexual deviation. Sharing common interests builds community and people seek community.
It's why people classified as 'artists' tend to hold the same interests, political beliefs, musical tastes, etc.
Guys who work on cars tend to gravitate towards the interests of other mechanically-inclined folks around them.
Women who are interested in things traditionally masculine tend to develop more masculine personalities and sensibilities to fit in with their peer group.
For a long time 'nerds' and 'geeks' felt it necessary to fit into their stereotypes as well. This still happens, but it is becoming less-frequent.
The more socially-acceptable a certain behavior or personality trait becomes, the more integrated into society it becomes and the stereotype begins to break down. We now have plenty of female athletes who act perfectly feminine and indistinguishable from other women in society and the athletic part becomes a footnote. We have more and more guys and girls becoming comfortable in their own bisexuality and homosexuality without the fear of persecution that causes them to put up a divider between them and straight society, things that used to cause people to withdraw from mainstream society socializing and identifying almost exclusively with gay groups.
Years ago, openly gay students at the local high school I attended would have been treated like lepers. There was not a single gay person in the entire school system as far as I knew growing up. We were never even formally addressed about homosexuality or its definition until 6th grade when it was brought up in heath class to the seeming discomfort of my entire biology class. Every boy (including myself) who was noticeably introverted or socially unusual was galled gay or fag by the other boys and on the extremely few times they were ever reprimanded for their actions it was always for "name calling" or "bad language".
Now, my youngest sibling goes the the same high school that I left 8 years ago. One of her classmates and acquaintances is an openly-gay young man with a boyfriend. He's the typical lisping, "fabulous" stereotype which would have incited outrage in the classmates (and I'm sure quite a few townie parents) in my era. Nowadays (less than a decade later) such actions as homophobic harassment would be condemned as hate crimes. Somehow in a short time there has been a lot of support of not only homosexuality but an entire gay lifestyle where it would have been met with hostility a decade before.
This cannot be in any small part to the social mechanic of taking something that used to be a relatively minor difference in the grand scheme of things (in this example: preferring the romantic company of the same gender) that caused a great deal of public disapproval and creating something much more dramatic out of it. It forces people to come to terms with their opinions on a subject. Those who preferred not to think about homosexuality or discuss it now have to either accept it as a part of human society or reject it, forcing them to rationalize their stance. Since most people only feel a drive to combat controversy that affects them on a personal level, acceptance is the path of least resistance.
The end result is a wide range of casual acceptance peppered by clusters of both enthusiastic support and similarly-enthusiastic opposition, which both lead to the collective validation of the topic and the individuals and groups that are the nucleus of the issue.
This model of adopting and becoming a symbol instead of an individual or group of individuals has been a catalyst of change throughout the history of our sentience as a species. Once a person becomes such a symbol, that person becomes idolized; when a person becomes idolized they become emulated (since when you admire a person there is a primal drive to be like and be
liked by that person); emulation of a person/symbol causes the adoption of characteristics; manner of speech, dress, body language, even migration to a geographical area where such emulation is accepted or embraced are not at all uncommon and can be observed with almost any social group at its inception.
With the range of people, who until very recently in the modern era could have been arrested or committed for "sexual deviancy", it has been a really long and interesting journey. Very intelligent moves have been made by some to educate and inform. Gay and lesbian and even many straight people in the entertainment industry have used their social standing and talents to present homosexuals, bisexuals and even transgendered people in a very non-threatening light through comedy, drama and an array of humanizing portrayals in film, television and theater.
It is not difficult to see the effect it has made on a global scale.
With a few notable exceptions the portrayal of gay characters has become less and less stereotypical as they've lost their novelty and relevance. This reflects as well as impacts society's view on the subject. Thinking back to how gay people were regarded by the public at large less than a decade ago and comparing it to today, it's astounding. You can talk to a gas-station attendant in the deep south, someone for whom (stereotypically) it would not have been surprising to hear the phrase "I can't stand faggots and queers and if I ever met one..." 10 years ago, now you will most likely come across a variation of "Well it isn't my way but it doesn't concern me much...".
I'm a graphic designer. I chose this field of study because I've been fascinated with the effects of marketing since I discovered at a young age that I could recite commercial jingles for products and services that hadn't been on the market since I could barely form sentences.
What the homosexual lifestyle has achieved is a primal, almost hive-mind-like effort at social marketing; an indirect and near-subliminal public-relations campaign. It has gained momentum slowly over multiple
lifetimes and its effect can be seen across generations. All opposition has been met with ever-growing support and public exposure. Now it seems that the only way people seem to be able to muster enough energy to vocally and physically and oppose homosexuality are those who have actively chosen to shield themselves from the mass media and isolate themselves into concentrated groups which make them largely irrelevant to the rest of society's ever-shifting nature. They become publicly regarded as artifacts of a bygone social order, one of the last generations of a dying breed.
Maybe decades from now, in the time of our next generation or the one after, the sissy-boy stereotype with the pink scarf and feminine mannerisms will be all-but-forgotten like the character of the sitcom housewife, the Native American in full feathered headdress who says "How" to greet outsiders or the Charlie Chan Asian character who speaks in broken English, wears a rice-paddy hat and recites faux-Confucian proverbs.
I've already met plenty of people for whom it never occurred to me that they were homosexual and have spoken with a number of men who may mention a friend of theirs in conversation only to later clarify "Oh yeah, I should mention that X is gay as it is relevant to this story, but otherwise he's a normal dude." It has even occurred to me that with metro-sexual style becoming more integrated as part of overall fashion (ex: homophobic frat-boys who see no issue with gelling their hair, wearing sparkling jewelry, piercing their ears and wearing pink, collared shirts) the visual stereotype of distinctly homosexual male fashion is breaking down just as drastically. A man in a pink shirt no longer elicits the curiosity "I wonder if that dude is gay" in my mind since a majority of men wearing pink seem to be straight.
This is social evolution and with luck it will continue. Extrapolated into the future I can easily see the history of homosexual civil rights being viewed as an inevitable, organic process held back by only by ignorance and a hypocritical religious/moral intolerance.
TL;DR: The image of the gay stereotype could have been a mostly-unconscious effort to confront society with a non-threatening image of homosexuality which lead most people to gradually become more familiar with and accepting of this simplified concept of the homosexual lifestyle. This leads to the deconstruction of a fractured society and allows gay people to be less-dependent on living in exclusively-gay social groups and finding a comfortable place in society as a whole, allowing for a greater range of personal development. Eventually I expect homosexuality to cease being a defining personality trait.I wrote this post over the course of close to three hours, deleting entire paragraphs and re-writing them several times to try and keep it relevant so I apologize for its length and how it is basically a pseudo-psychological rationalization for what I consider to be a fascinating social dynamic. I also took a pill this morning which is designed to combat my A.D.D., which seems to have temporarily caused me to enter a state of near-obsessive hyper-focus and analysis.I will say that I am pretty pleased with this article I've written, even though I probably only succeeded in creating a gigantic wall of text to explain a concept that most of you probably already formed your own observations of, but in a much less long-winded and detailed manner.Labels: bisexual, gay, lesbian, social group, society, stereotype, straight
Alive Once More
Well I'm going to add another post to this blog (despite it being dead and buried for well over a year). To catch this thing up on my life I'll list the following events that have happened since the last time I posted:
I broke up with Elizabeth after a 6-month period of long-distance. Things were strained for awhile and I probably should have tried harder to break up on better terms once we both moved out of Savannah instead of leading her on with compromise.
This would have been a lot better for both of us than suggesting we see other people and admitting that I had my mind on other girls already.
Izzle, if you're reading this (I
really hope you're not and have moved on by now), I hope I didn't cause any long-term emotional damage and I hope you have many friends and your job is going well. Have a successful life!
I worked as a draftsman for awhile, making pretty good money until that company could no-longer support a graphic designer with no really desire to become an architect. I departed on good terms and I have found a few freelance jobs through my contacts there.
I've made a few new friends in the Boston area which has lead to lots of fun times in the city, where before I was mostly just kicking around small-town suburbia. Laura, Josh and Nomi, you are cool folks and have been a much-needed outlet for me to have a lot of casual fun, try new things, hear about all kinds of stuff outside my personal experience and watch a lot of DVDs.
I have been dating a girl named Sarah for about a year now. She's a headstrong, atheist, feminist who is quite brilliant on top of that. Somehow she still finds enough room to be cute, nerdy and have a lovely sense of humor. I'll miss you when I'm back in Georgia for the end of June and the whole month of July!
Well that's about it. This is just for perspective's sake. Most of my desire to discuss current events and other issues has been as a regular over at the Penny-Arcade SE++ forum but I ended up blurting out a huge article about the social dynamics surrounding the acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle today and I figured I needed some other place to cross-post it to where I could possibly get some feedback in addition to the humorous replies given to me by the penny-arcadians.
So that will be my next post.
Labels: blog, diary, journal, personal, return, revival
An odd thing to say...
So just now, on the phone with my girlfriend she said a very strange non-sequitur. She said something which was meant to to be a joke I suppose. I failed to laugh at the proper time. Her response: "You jerk, you aren't listening to me. I'm gonna flip you over and tattoo a bunny on your butt!"
O_o...
I love her but...
tattoo?
a bunny?
on my butt?
Thoughts?
So I've been linked...
I've been linked to one of the only Blogs I was ever interested in
NiggaKnowTechnology and I gotta say it's a huge honor. Problem is that on the average I don't know what to talk about (or why, if any reason, people read this blog). Bein' a person who really doesn't read many blogs other than my buddy
Tony's and of course
NKT I don't have a lot to go on, but I'll give it my best to talk about a few things in my life worth hearin'.
I have two jobs right now as I've said before. My weekend gig is at a function hall as a "Banquet Server." This job pays my lowest acceptable wage of $10 an hour and offers no tips besides the occasional generous individual. This doesn't really get to me much, it's just my weekend job and it's close to my house so I'm not too stressed about it. What gets me is my boss. She has a tendency to be a real hardcore bitch most of the time, the sort that'll put you down for no discernible reason. If things are going badly, it's everyone's fault and we're all screw-ups. If every thing's going well then she's yelling at us for shit that hasn't even happened yet. Make sense to you?
Anyway usually this job involves serving to weddings or other high-class parties. Last night it was a high-school girl's soccer program's awards banquet. We've already done the same school's girl's field-hockey team and it's not really a big-deal event at all. Everyone's pretty casual and relaxed, plus it's a buffet with the only thing we had to actually serve was the cake. Boss-lady was in a pretty good mood (bets among employees are leaning towards
'she got laid'). Later in the night, we're trying to clean up and get the people out and a few of the head adults are freaking out because they can't find their car keys. I take a minute to talk to them and ask Boss-lady about it. Her response is "Get back to work, it's not your job to help these people it's your job to clean up." So now I'm pissed. Here I am trying to be a decent host and she goes and makes it seem like it's company-fucking-policy to be rude to guests. I apologize to the people and explain I can't really help them out and get back to work.
Later I'm bitching to a co-worker in the back about how stupid it is to go off on me for trying to help some folks out who are clearly distressed. At least I could calm them down a bit but Boss-lady wasn't havin' it. Of course co-worker didn't warn me that she was walking up right behind me and overheard the whole thing!
She had ever right to tear my spine out while I wasn't looking but since she was still feeling generous for whatever reason she decided to just tell me straight "Those people aren't going to help you finish up, and now you're going to be 10 minutes behind. Maybe you should go be nice to them some more and see if they help you clear the tables." to which I replied "Okay, maybe they will."
I didn't actually ask them but as they were waiting for their friend (who it turns out took the keys by mistake) to come back for them, they called me over and gave me $10 for the effort. That's an extra hour of un-taxed work right there, so while I may not have been paid by Boss-lady to help them, I ended up making more that night overall because I was a nice guy in the face of pricktitude. I call that shit Karma and that's why I'm never changin' my stripes for anyone, especially middle-aged P.M.S.in' bosses.
Not actually dead.
Back from the proverbial grave comes I, Tallest_Blue with a new fun post for you what reads me blog. I felt like I should do something, it was sad that the last news I had was that Pluto got kicked from planetary status! I mean come now, you'd think I could neglect enough of my life to get that off the top entry eh? So here's some more words strung together into sentences for you:
I've been working nearly every day of the month (I average 2 days off per 4 weeks right now by my estimate) not counting the small handful of days I was out sick with the plague. It's been quite the stressful ride, as most, if not all days consist of 9-10 hours with a few 8s and 13s in there for good measure. What I have learned is this: pursue a career quickly and as avidly as possible. I'm just about done with college and I have a Graphic Design job on the weekdays but in order to stockpile huge mountains of money that are required for independence from my parents' house I have to work a second job as a banquet server.
The work is alright when we have a good crowd, but it's mostly thankless. I do my best to be friendly, but that only ends in tips about 1% of the time unless you are a bar-tender which I am not. I'm going to keep an eye out for someplace I can earn tips because this is getting ridiculous. A girl at my job is underpaid and the managers won't raise her wage until she complains, which she is too afraid to do for fear of getting fired from one of the few jobs close to her house. I've done what I can and I think she's going to ask the General Manager but who knows?
In other news I had a fun time when my other job was in the market for a multi-function printer over the past few weeks. Three companies ended up getting into a bidding-war with our little no-account Architecture firm and as a result we got a lot of sucking-up and positive attention from said companies, not to mention a fantastic couple of deals on printers. Right now the HP9500 is looking the best in price and print-quality but Konnica-Minolta has better coverage for replacing cartridges and drums, not to mention they have a warehouse within driving distance in case something goes wrong. I got to be treated like a real-life professional since I was the one guy in the shop that could recite all the print functions and knew how to compare the hardware.
In closing, this was just to bump down the last post and to keep this bi-atch updated. I still don't know why half the people actually read it but I hope it keeps you entertained. I promise I won't talk about World of Warcraft, as that is what my spare time consists of 3 out of the 7 days.
So how do you feel about loosing a planet?
Alright, for those of you who have a life outside of comptuers and haven't been following this hot story: Pluto is not a planet anymore. For a long time they've been talking about kicking the little rock out because it doesn't follow a normal orbit and technically it's two rocks spinning around each other (not just a rock and a moon). Then, in a come-from-behind move, they start discussing adding new planets to the solar system under a NEW classification. What this meant is that instead of nine planets, we'll have 8 planets and 4 of these smaller, sorta-planets.
After that got out there, they began trying to work out a definition for a planet and a name for the new-type planets. For awhile they were talking about calling the little ones "plutons" until marine biologists pitched a fit because that name was already taken. They discussed calling them dwarf-planets but then they knew they'd catch a load of angsty shit from
the horde, demanding they also create orc or troll planets.
A little note: There was already a word that they could use. "Planetoids" could have been applied to the new classification (basically planet-like objects) but it sounded too much like a late-1970s arcade shooter so they decided to ignore it.
Long story short, they decided it was too much trouble and told Pluto to hit the road. At first I was a little dissappointed. It was always my favorite planet growing up because it didn't fall in line with the other planets. It was the smallest, slowest and kind of did its own thing. On the other hand, we really dodged a bullet because one of the new planets that would have been added was already nicknamed "Xena" by some cellar-dwelling astronomy nerd. That wasn't the worst of it either, to solidify his decision to forever reference the Lucy Lawless character he named the moon around the rock "Gabrielle" after her possibly-lesbian sidekick. I'm all for being progressive and assigning dead rocks in space crazy names, even homosexual alignments, but for the love of everything bright and wonderful why would you immortalize a b-grade TV show for future human generations?
Now I firmly believe that someone hundreds of years in the future was pissed at having to learn this ass-backwards planetary naming system. I'm sure they found it humiliating that a big-breasted amazon warrior from daytime 20th-century television was named alongside roman gods in the planetary array. This person traveled through time to this year and stopped the new system from happening.
I'd like to congradulate her/him right here. I miss Pluto, but it had to be done. Thank you time-traveler!
I can't believe people read this!
I'll be honest, I am posting here because I'm avoiding doing something constructive. Today is the last day/deadline for my online Typography II class. I've done a ton of sketch-work and scanned it into my computer and it's just about ready to be made into a poster. I should finish and print it now, but I'm still waiting for my medication to kick in.
Oh, watch out, I'm a literally telling my life-story.
For anyone who actually knows me (or anyone who reads this) and hasn't found out yet, I've gotten myself on ADD medication called "Concerta." Most of my life I've been against needless medicine. I once had Mono for a month and didn't know what it was because I don't like going out of my way to see a doctor. I was waking up at 5am every morning, feeling like I had tonsilitis and wondering if I could make it into work that day. Now the human body does amazing things when it's forced to build up it's own immunity instead of relying on antibiotics and whatnot. Driving to work the symptoms (sore, swolen throat. scratchyness. constant congestion/headache) would fade away and they'd only return that evening once I sat down to relax again. I didn't find out it was Mono (a non-curable virus) until I got back to college and decided to check in at the student clinic. They put me on STEROIDS so my body could surpress the stuff. I'll never be cured of it though, and if I ever get really sick it might resurface and I could become contagious again. I didn't even take painkillers after I got my wisdom teeth out!
Sorry for the tangent. What I'm saying is that even in serious situations it takes a lot to put me on medication. This ADD stuff is a bit different though, as it actually greatly improvies my ability to focus without making me feel strung-out. Maybe this is how 'normal' people think but for me, the artist/deep thinker/philosopher since I was a young child, this was new. Everything became instantly easier for me and I had a ton more energy (just ask my girlfriend). The problem with meds though is that you build up a tolerance when you take them regularly. The body tends to want to even-out. So I had to up the dosage. I really do not want to be on this stuff after I finish college so I rarely take it as it is, even though it's supposed to be a daily thing.
It's similar to the way you might deal with weening yourself off caffine for a long time, then drinking a few Cokes, or drinking several shots of vodka when you've been sober for a few months. I feel that if I can keep my tolerance down, I won't have to take more medication, and therefore I won't run out or become dependant too quickly.
I don't have an addictive personality really, unless you count internet usage. I play
World of Warcraft, and that game's notoriously addictive. People go without sleep, food and call in sick to work/school because of this game. I've played for nearly 2 years now (started in early November 2004) and I still haven't gotten any characters to the max level of 60.
I'm living in my parent's house again, and after 4 years of pseudo-freedom at college (mind you I was still living/eating off of mummy and daddy's bank account, I'm not delusional) it really sucks. Now I'm sorry if I sound like the typical "nobody understands" emo kid but have you met my parents? They're well-meaning but seriously out of touch.
I used to really dislike my father, but in recent years that's changed. A lot of it had to do with him loosing 85lbs or so and feeling better about himself. He used to have a hair-trigger temper that anything could set off. He always coached my sports teams though, as it was the only thing he felt he could relate to me through. He's got a lot of artistic talent, but he never used any of it. I think I got my natural skill from him. My father didnt' do so well at college, he dropped out after partying too hard (he was in a frat) and ended up working for his father's business (a construction firm), which he now owns with his brother. He makes a lot of money, and I've gathered that he's very good at dealing with clients but it's not the future he was looking for when he was younger and I doubt he ever got over that.
My mother's the real problem. I used to be a momma's-boy since my Dad left before I woke up in the morning and when he came home (just before dinner) he just wanted to sit and read the paper or his golf magazines. Mom was a house-wife until I was in highschool, therefore I was always around her. I had a few psychological issues growing up (all kids do, it's part of the process) and these stemmed from always having someone else in control. I was the first kid, and as such I didn't have much in the way of strong role-models. To this day my mother will recall stories of my youth and imply that it was my father who had instilled me with timidness. In actuality it was my mother. Someone would ask a question (be it a teacher or other grown-up) and my mom would answer for me. I guess mentally, I felt I was a piece of property.
When I entered high school a number of things changed all at once. First I moved to another part of town. It was a bigger house in a wealthier neighborhood and instead of living around my friends I was living around spoiled football jocks. To put the cherry on the cake, my friends went on to a vocational (trade) school while I stayed in public. So my old friends were composed of a somewhat wigger-ish polish kid who liked hip-hop and fixing cars, a wise-ass guitarist who had a basement where we could hang out without parental supervision and kid whose parents lived a rock and roll lifestyle, complete with strange smells in their house. My parents were born to be upper-middle-class white folk (sharp contrast much?). They moved to a neighborhood with upper-middle-class white folk, and took me with them. I use "white folk" here as a stereotypical adjective. Basically the whole street was made of arrogant, self-serving individuals when the people I liked to hang out with were the ones that'd bend over backwards for a friend and all had diverse interests. I was the new target of the block.
I'd never really fought before. I never had to, I kept a low profile and didn't give anyone any reason to pick on me. If they did, it was no big deal because I only had to deal with it at school. Now I was on their turf and my entire group of friends were miles away at any given time. Compound this with the fact that my public school cared about football (state champs!!) and cared next-to-nothing for the artsy kid in the corner and you'll get the picture.
So fast forward, I'm getting Cs in my classes (used to be a nearly-straight AB student, though there was always one grade keepin me off honor roll) and I really don't have the energy for homework. It took me hours (still does) to do an assignment and even if I did complete it, there was no reward. Most kids get to watch TV or something when they finish their homework, but for me it was "no tv, no games, read a book" when I finished. I ended up reading a whole lot of books, but more often I'd just be doodling in the margins of my homework. To be honest some of my best sketch-work happens when I'm doing it to avoid something else. My friends had since broken contact with me ("yeah sure, let's do something this weekend" followed by them not answering thier phone ever again) and I was getting harassed at school and at the bus stop every day. The teachers didnt' care, they weren't getting paid enough.
One day I'm sitting in class and we have a substitute. The kids in back (led by one of the kids on my street, some runningback) start throwing tiny pieces of chalk at me from the back blackboard. I turn around a few times and give them a look that tried to say "seriously, cut it out" with no success. The teacher was averting her eyes and pretending not to notice since that would mean she'd have to get involved, which would mean more work for her and she's just a sub! Well a million thoughts were goin through my head, finally I got one of those moments of clarity. The teacher wasn't doing shit to these kids, why was I afraid I'd get into trouble? I'd have much rather get beat-up than this annoying little game they were playing. One thing I'd never used to my advantage was my size. I was the third-tallest kid in that school, under a guy who had stayed back once or twice and the star center of the basketball team. I weighed over 220lbs, much of which was bone. I drank milk every day, a car could probably hit me (in fact one did once) and I would come away with barely a limp. I got up, kicked over a desk and marched to the back of the room. The teacher finally snaps out of her lethargy long enough to mutter an "Uhh, hey" before I start talking. The kid stays in his seat but his toadies are already out of theirs and surrounding him. Whatever, I don't care. I'm goin for broke and actually looking forward to being attacked. "Listen, I've put up with this shit for a long time. I've let you get away with it this far because I don't want to get in trouble here at school, but as soon as the bus leaves the stop today, you're goin down." It wasn't shakespear, but combined with my height and what I can only assume was the look of pure murder in my face, I made my point. The kid's lackies responded with the typical "oooooooooooh" response all bullies have when they can't think of a comeback. The kid himself was still smirking, but the rest of his face looked like a little boy who had been caught lying to his parents.
That afternoon I pounded that kid into the ground. It started with him saying I could throw the first punch. He threw everything he had at me, including his backpack. I hit him in the face until he fell down. I distinctly remember him trying to 'spear' me WWF-style at some point, which didn't budge me. This is the first and only time I've ever understood what the phrase "seeing red" meant. I literally had tunnel vision and a red haze covered everything. I was never very muscular in my arms. I carried a lot of weight and did a lot of hiking/bike riding, but wasn't big into lifting weights. I honestly wasn't expecting the fight to turn into a one-sided savage beating, but that's how it went. When he hit the ground I found myself standing over him, yelling at him to "GET UP." His friend (who incidently lived across the street from me) walked over to break it up. I turned on him with a balled fist. His friend (who I'll call MJ for clarity's sake) talked me down and made the kid apologise to me, which he couldn't even do while looking me in the eye. MJ shook my hand and said that they would lay off me from now on. I admire that guy, he'd been the quiet one in the group who got to hang out with them because he played on the team. He was almost as big as I was and a hell of a lot stronger. If he wanted to, I'm sure he could have laid me out, but instead of sucking up to his buddy, he played politician. I had won the fight, I was excited and scared. I went home and broke down in my room.
I know, I don't usually tell that part of the story.
I had seen the whole thing almost as if it was a twisted dream and not my own action. I was proud that I struck a blow for my dignity, but I felt guilty that I resorted to violence, and that I had lost my temper to that degree. My biggest fear as a child was that I'd turn into my father, snapping like a twig at the slightest thing. It's what turned me into a pacifist for so long, but all it took was one desperate last-resort and 15 years of pent-up aggression ended up putting the quiet, innocent artist at the top of the 10th-grade food chain.
So after that I started speaking my mind a lot more. I'd start up conversations whenever with whoever. I didn't feel trapped. The bullies kept their word. Once one of their alpha-males didn't come to school monday or tuesday (the fight was on friday) and MJ had done a great job spreading the word that Joe, the quiet kid had knocked the school runningback to the pavement, things went a lot easier for me. Unfortunatley, it was still a football school and the teachers were still burnt-out husks. I finally decided to listen to my mother and go to a private school (she'd been on me for 3 years to attend an all-boy's Catholic highschool 20-minutes away). So I met with the dean of students, who was a big, intimidating figure but overall a friendly guy. He'd ask me a question, my mother would try to answer and he'd cut her off and re-direct to me. I was sold. So Mr. L, the dean of admissions at this high-ranked private school has my parents leave the room and levels with me that I seem like a bright kid but my grades really don't reflect a good student. I plead my case that it's really more the fault of public school and proper incentive than it is about not being a good student. I get an option, if I can raise all my grades by one letter, I'll get in (and beat out 5 kids on the waiting list). I raised all my grades by AT LEAST one letter by the next report card. I was to attend starting in my Junior year of high-school.
Now I'm just teeming with pride and confidence, but I'm going into a school full of guys I don't know (and no girls at all!). It took awhile before I settled in I'll admit. It was tough to make new friends, but I realized that a larger school with a more diverse student body meant that I found a whole ton of guys there that had similar inerests. By pure coincidence I found I had a very racially-diverse group of friends too, something impossible in the town I grew up. One was a part-Mexican, part-Native-American kid, another was Korean and then there was the Irish kids, the Italian kids and the German kid (which when you live in a rich, white area actually counts as diversity). Did art-club where I could show off my sketches to kids that'd treat me like a celebrity instead of an outcast. I did a few plays and musicals and never had to worry about people calling me 'faggot' or other similar titles (If they did I could always point out that it was the only activity at the school that involved girls). I even attended the dances generally developed a much more robust social-life.
The school also gave me an oportunity to choose which colleges I'd want to attend. If I'd stayed in public, getting Cs and Ds I don't think I'd have gotten that chance. I even got a very good SAT score at 1310. It was in those highschool years that I was able to re-invenet myself. Without that time in my life I would probably be just like all the crying, black-wearing quitters I see all over the internet.
I definitly feel the medication flowing now, so I can get back to work. I'm still sort of surprised someone would read a personal BLOG and maybe this entry will get no comments, but I enjoyed typing it. Some day I might post about my college years, but they really weren't as drama-filled or interesting than my revenge-of-the-nerds story.
If I ever do a personal post again it will most-likely be about my parents and the psychological stress they put on myself and my siblings.
Take it easy,
Oh, and to everyone on NiggaKnow, sorry if this story is going to revoke my ghetto-pass. Don't hate, intergrate.
Snakes
The movie written the Wikipedia way (by multiple public suggestions and majority rule) is a great flick. I won't spoil it, but Keenan Thompson (of "All That", "Keenan and Kel" and "Good Burger") is great in it.
This is the kind of movie that just delivers in a way only the best summer popcorn movies can. It's important that you're young, excitable and have at LEAST 4 other people to see it with.
Bring green pool noodles and/or any other snake-related prop you can. Those of you who can dress like pilots/flight attendants... do it.
It's your 8 bucks. Make the most of it. The amount of enjoyment you recieve is proportional to how much you suspend disbelief and go with it. Also, yell at the screen and count down when it's getting close to snake time (you'll know, trust me).
